Ryanair + Major Sporting Event + Stupidity = Financial Woe

Shrewd/optimistic Leinster rugby fans would have booked their flight tickets for the Heineken Cup final in Edinburgh months ago. However, if you didn't and you have more money than sense Ryanair.com is just the place for you.

Travelling on the FR 812 from Dublin on match day, 23 May, at 6.40am (ouch) and returning on the FR 8813 at 8.45am the following day will set you back a pretty penny. How much for this? A mere €454.84. That includes taxes and fees of €29.86, which curiously amounted to €30.98 one hour earlier. These taxes and fees include the petty wheelchair levy. Any time I fly Ryanair I want to request a wheelchair just so I can get some return on that spurious levy.

If you want to check in a bag you should add a further €30. That's assuming you check-in online. If not, then it will be yet another €10. If you would like to avoid the scrum (pun probably intended) at the gate then it will be €6 more for priority boarding. Not that you should be in any rush to get on a Ryanair aircraft....

The website will then pester you to purchase travel insurance (€7.50 for Irish residents - don't do it!) before moving on to the credit card fees where your options will be:

-Ryanair MasterCard €10

-Ryanair Visa €10

-3V Visa Prepaid Vouchers €10

-Visa Connect €10

-Visa Debit/Delta €10

-MasterCard €10

-Visa Electron €0

-Visa €10

I'll just reach for my Visa Electron. Oh wait, such a thing is pretty much non-existent in Ireland. Another €10 down the tubes. The biggest scam is that Ryanair's credit card charges are on a per person per flight basis. So if you are a party of four it will set you back €40 even though it's just one transaction! Also, what's the incentive to obtaining a Ryanair credit card if they still charge €10 per person per flight?

So here's roughly how much it will set you back:

- No extras and Visa Electron: €454.84 (unlikely scenario in Ireland!)

- One bag, online check-in, Master Card: €499.84

- One bag, airport check-in, priority boarding, Master Card: €515.84

Alternatively, through ebookers.ie you could travel to Boston for €347.64, Orlando for €359.64 or San Francisco for €375.64 with US Airways, departing Dublin on 23 May and returning 25 May - all in. A no brainer in my eyes and I'm a rugby fan.

I could go on about Jet2.com's £605.98 fare (before bags, check-in, etc) to Rome from Manchester for the Champions League Final on 27 May but that will keep for another day!

Geography According to Saudi Arabian Airlines

I recently stumbled across the Saudi Arabian Airlines route map (as one does). It makes great reading for geography buffs.



Asia:

• China finally gets a grip on Taiwan
• a huge lake seems to have formed in southern China
• Osaka has had enough of Honshu and moved to a smaller island

North America:

• apparently Saudi Arabian Airlines serves Frankfort, Kentucky. In fact, that's supposed to be Frankfurt, Germany. Oops. Oh and Kentucky seems to have drifted several hundred miles west
• New York and Washington have also moved further inland, possibly to avoid Cloverfield

Africa:

• Nigeria has claimed a large chunk of the Sahara and moved Kano to the middle of it
• Casablanca has acquired another 's'

Europe:

• Ireland has merged with Britain - not good news for the ferry companies and Ryanair!
• Manchester has upped sticks and headed for the Scottish border
• the Channel Tunnel has brought London and Paris closer together, but Saudi Arabian Airlines have brought them even closer
• Brussels is heading for Germany
• Nice has had enough of the Côte d'Azur and moved inland
• Milan has joined Switzerland (never trust a neutral country!) while Prague has moved to Poland
• a new city called "Vieanna" has been formed, possibly by disgruntled Vienna residents
• Istanbul, after centuries of proximity to the Black Sea and Sea of Marmara, has suddenly found itself landlocked

Let's just hope the pilots' navigation charts are more accurate!